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Why do you want to know?
It's not like anyone cares about me or anything. I was planning on jumping off the side of the Empire State Building on 20/2/03. Why? I do not know. But I do. I have nothing to live for. The end of my life would not matter at all to anyone, with the possible exeption of the people at the bottom of this entry. Nikki, your future is brighter than any other i have ever seen in my life. Ken, you have your destiny planned out for yourself, and I applaud you for it. Lydia, you are a very talented pianist, and if that doesn't work out for you, then you still have your amazing brains and body to work for you. Brittany, you work hard for your sucess, and I hope that one day you live up to your massive potential. I really do. Chris, your perserverance will work for you one day, I know it will. On the observation deck I saw Nikki, and decided to say good-bye. I stood next to her, the woman who is like a sister to me, and was about to tell her what I was about to do. I looked to her and saw her beautiful face, and suddenly had a "change of heart" as some of you could put it. I suddenly wanted to take her and everyone else with me. I wanted to climb to the top and join hands with everybody i know, and just jump. Feel absolute freedom from the opressive tyranny that is my life at my mother's house, and just finally give up. I know that i'm not the only one, but I AM the only one who has the balls to speak his mind. Some people see that as a good thing. I dont. I have some people to thank for helping me preserve my life on that day, although what good can it do?
Thank you, and i love you all like siblings after you have gotten rid of the fear of losing your social status and have decided to help me. It is because of you people that I am still here today. Ken Hallowell, Nikki Busmanis, Brittany Newman, Lydia Kilian, and Christopher Bond. Thank you all. Just Jump. |
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Suicide is Painless
Some say that suicide is the ultimate in selfishness, and I agree. The pain and anguish it causes in the loved ones who remain is so great. Suicide is the embodiement of selfishness, but is the right of the individual. Just as we all have the right to life, so do we have the right to death.
We all have been through wars. Internal, External it matters not. We have the scars - physical and emotional. We won. Whether individually we chose to live or die, that fact that we acknowledge that it is Our choice. We can chose, and we do chose. I do not say chose life. I do not say chose death. I say Chose. Welcome to the meaning.
Some say that suicide is the ultimate in selfishness, and I agree. The pain and anguish it causes in the loved ones who remain is so great. Suicide is the embodiement of selfishness, but is the right of the individual. Just as we all have the right to life, so do we have the right to death.
We all have been through wars. Internal, External it matters not. We have the scars - physical and emotional. We won. Whether individually we chose to live or die, that fact that we acknowledge that it is Our choice. We can chose, and we do chose. I do not say chose life. I do not say chose death. I say Chose. Welcome to the meaning.
Why the title "Suicide is Painless"?
The title of this site is the name of the theme song from MASH, the television series based on a med unit in the Korean war. The lyrics are not used in the series however. It shocked me when I learned that that was the title of that song. It seemed a inappropriate theme song for a show about saving lives. But it is. The more I thought about it, however, the less inappropriate it sounded. The song talks about choosing death, but those in wars do not choose to die. Especially those who never wanted to be involved in the first place. The doctors of MASH tried to fufill their patients rights to live, but with the right to live comes the right to die. Perhaps it is a fitting counterpoint that the unsung lyrics to the MASH theme song honor that right.
Why did I make this site?
We, in modern society, lock away our dead in wooden caskets. We distance ourself from death in all possible ways. We put our elderly in nursing homes, so we don't have to see death's slow march. We fear death, but why? I believe in reincarnation and know when I die I will be reborn as a petitioner to the god whose Alignment I share. Others believe in the heaven and hell concept, which should provide similiar comfort. Some profess to believe in nil, and perhaps their fear is most justifiable. I believe that fearing death is unnatural and unhealthy. I hope, through this site, to explore death in its many guises, embracing it as well as life. This site is not about suicide, but rather about accepting that death is a part of life. When you realize that death will come, you are freed from the fear of it. What's the point of dreading the inevetable?
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